


Forgiveness & Trust

by Nephalem_Witch



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anger, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Pining, Sex, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Therapy, bisexual!Buck, bisexual!Eddie, everybody already knows, sorry I'm bad at tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24985435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nephalem_Witch/pseuds/Nephalem_Witch
Summary: Edmundo "Eddie" Diaz and Evan "Buck" Buckley are firefighters of Station 118 of the LAFD. The circumstances around the beginning of their connection were rough, but even some of the best love stories are born out of tragedy. Their friendship is unique; it's so unique that neither have realized how much more than a friendship it actually is. What happens when one or both of them realizes? What would they say to each other when they realize the truth? How will their families respond? How will Christopher respond if they choose to see what acting on their feelings means? So many questions can be asked, but only one question matters: Do they truly want to know the answers to any of these questions?-------The story picks up after the tsunami of season 3. My storyline will have many of the same major plot points as the show, but there will be some differences. *I do not own the characters. They belong to the FOX tv show, 9-1-1.*
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 58





	1. Eddie

I was just walking around looking at those impacted by the tsunami when all of a sudden he was there. He was standing there bloody, injured, and dirty, but why was he here? I thought him and Christopher were going to the movies. I left Christopher with Buck today because I knew what Christopher meant to Buck. Buck was taken off active duty at the 118, and I thought spending time with Christopher would help him get out of bed, out of his apartment, and out of his damn mind. Now, here he stood before me when I thought they were going to be at the movies today.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Eddie.." he responded with his head hung.

"Buck...," I said as the realization that Christopher wasn't with him set in, "Where's Chris?"

"Eddie...," he tried to start again before I cut him off.

"Buck, why are you wearing his glasses," I asked as the worst possible scenarios started racing through my mind. He started talking and removing Chris's glasses from around his neck. I could hear what he was saying, but I didn't want to listen. I could hear the pain in his voice, the self-hatred for what happened. He was still talking when I saw a woman just a few yards behind Buck carrying a child in her arms, and I recognized those clothes as the ones that I watched Chris put on this morning by himself like every morning.

"Chris.." I said as I moved passed Buck towards the woman, "Chris!"

"Daddy," I heard him say.

"You must be Buck," the woman carrying him said as she handed my beautiful little boy over to me.

"No," I said to her, "I'm Eddie, his father."

"Oh," she said, "he said he was looking for someone named Buck."

As she said that, I looked back over at my best friend as he collapsed into the arms of our coworkers. I could see the relief and joy setting into his eyes as the fear and overwhelming guilt of losing my son disappeared from his body. I turned back to my son as I started checking him over for any possible injuries and asking him questions like, "Chris, are you hurt?"

"No daddy," he said to me, "I'm okay. Buck saved me. He saved me daddy."

"Okay buddy," I said hugging him again, "let's get you home."


	2. Buck

I've never felt anything like that before. When I thought Christopher was gone for good, I felt like I lost not just my best friend's kid; I felt like I lost a piece of myself. The pain I felt from that was worse than any of the pain I had from the wounds I had suffered during this disaster. Then the pain worsened ten-fold when I saw Eddie. I didn't know how I was going to tell him that his son was gone. I tried to hide, but he saw me. I knew then that I had no choice. I had to tell him what happened even if it meant losing him forever, but I don't know if I could survive losing Eddie and Chris. Then, Chris appeared, and it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. I released a breath I hadn't realized that I was holding. I couldn't hold it together anymore; Chris was alive and here. He was in the arms of a random woman. She had saved Chris while I had failed him. Eddie trusted me with his son's life, and I failed him.

~Two Days Later~

I was in my apartment when a knock came at the door. I went and opened the door to find Eddie and Chris on the other side. Once there was enough room for him to enter, Eddie came inside before I could even say a word to him. He directed Chris to the couch, and set his stuff on the chairs at the bar. He was explaining everything he brought for Chris, but I didn't understand why he was here.

"Eddie," I said, stopping him mid sentence, "why are you here?"

"I'm here because Carla's out of town, I start my shift in a little bit, and I need someone to watch Chris," he said, "I know you miss being on the job, but you not working has been a godsend to me and Chris."

"You want me to watch Chris after everything that's happened," I asked confused.

"Why wouldn't I," Eddie asked.

"Because I almost lost Christopher. You trusted me with him, and I failed you. Most of all, I was supposed to keep him safe, and I failed him." I started rambling.

"Hey, hey, hey," Eddie said, putting his hand on my shoulder, "You saved him. That's how he remembers it. And as for how I feel, there's no one in this world that I trust more with my son than you. Now I've got to go before Captain rips me a new one."

Like that, Eddie was out the door, and I was standing there alone with tears in my eyes as I looked at the beautiful child that sat on my couch. This child means the world to Eddie, and to me, and there is nothing I won't do for this kid. So I walked over to the couch and sat with Christopher as we decided on something to watch.

~~~

We had watched a few movies, built a few unidentifiable objects out of legos, and ate all the snacks Eddie had packed for Chris before the sun began to set. We were on the couch watching another movie when I felt a weight hit my side. I looked down to see that the weight was Christopher, and he was out cold. I slowly moved us both to a more comfortable position on the couch, and I was drifting off to sleep within minutes. That's the first time I had the dream.

I was at the 118, but I wasn't. I saw myself climbing out of one of the trucks when Chris started walking into the station house.

"Daddy," he yelled. I looked around for Eddie, but all I saw was Christopher walking towards the me that climbed out of the truck.

"What," I said as I was watching everything from above. I picked Chris up and spun him around. I kissed him on the cheek before setting him back on the ground.

"Am I gonna get that same welcome," Eddie said as I turned and saw him walking towards me.

"Of course," I have enough love and affection for both of the most important men in my life," I said before kissing Eddie on the lips.

I blinked, and I was no longer watching from above. I opened my eyes to see Eddie standing before me with Christopher at our sides. I then heard knocking and the sound of a door opening and closing.

"Buck," Eddie said, "Buck, wake up."

I woke up to see Eddie standing over me as he shook my shoulder to wake me.

"What time is it," I said groggily as I looked around and saw stars outside.

"It's after midnight," Eddie said.

"What are you doing here," I asked, "I thought that you didn't get off your shift until later this morning?"

"Capt let me take a break to come check on you and Chris," Eddie said smiling, "He said you two could come hang out at the station for the rest of the shift if you'd like."

That's when Christopher began to stir.

"D-Daddy? What are you doing here," Christopher asked while rubbing his eyes.

"I'm here to bring you and Buck to the station house, Capt's orders," Eddie said smiling.

"Really," Chris asked, smiling brightly.

Eddie just nodded and motioned for us both to get up and follow him. It took us just about ten minutes to get Chris ready and all his stuff together. We were in the car and on our way in just five minutes. I couldn't stop thinking about the dream I had the entire ride, but I shook myself out of it as we pulled up and decided that it was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> Here's chapter 2 from Buck's perspective. I hope you enjoy it.


	3. Eddie

My shift was just like every other shift. It started off slow. We had a couple calls throughout the day. Nothing too exciting, but the day flew by just like normal. I was plagued by some thoughts throughout the day, thoughts about Buck. I don't know why, but I couldn't get him out of my head. I could see it was getting late, and I knew that Buck and Chris would either be out cold on the couch or hyped up on sugar. So, I decided to go talk to the Capt as soon as we returned to the firehouse.

"Hey Capt," I said, hopping out the truck.

"What's up Eddie," he asked.

"I was wondering if I could go check on Chris at Buck's and maybe invite them back here for dinner," I asked.

"Um. sure," Capt said, a little skeptical in his tone, "But keep a radio on you in case we get a call before you return."

"Thank you Capt, will do," I said as I took off to my car.

When I got to Buck's apartment, I knocked with no response. I then got the spare key Buck gave me a while back out and unlocked the door. I shut the door as quietly as possible, and I moved to see where they were at. I found both of them out cold on the couch, but that was after I found all the opened and eaten snacks on the counter that I had packed for Chris. I didn't see any sign of a decent meal having been prepared, so I decided to wake them. As I walked over to the couch, I heard Buck mumbling something. I leaned closer to him and heard him mumbling one thing over and over.

"Eddie," he kept saying. He said it so softly and so sweetly. Hearing him say my name like that, i noticed myself starting to lean in towards his face, towards his lips. I pulled back and shook myself out of it. I started lightly shaking Buck on his shoulder and saying his name to wake him. When he opened his eyes and saw me, I saw something flash across his eyes, but I am not sure what it was.

It wasn't long before we were on the road headed to the firehouse. I was driving, and I kept looking in the rearview to check on Christopher. He was staring out the window watching the passing lights of the city with a big smile on his face that made me smile. I then looked over at Buck and the look on his face made my smile drop. He looked haunted almost, lost in his thoughts, and I just wanted to help get him out of his own head because I almost lost him and Christopher to the tsunami. I got lucky that they both made it out alive, but now I'm worried about losing Buck to himself.

We walked in to the firehouse to a round of cheers. I couldn't have found a better place for me to start over with Christopher than LA. These people are my family, and they extended that family to Christopher since the moment they first met him. I couldn't ask for a better family, and Christopher seemed to enjoy every minute with these guys. Chimney immediately asked Christopher if he wanted to play pinball, and he smiled. So Chim went and grabbed two rolled-up hoses like last time, and I dragged Buck off to a side room.

"What are you doing," Buck asked in protest as we entered the locker room.

"I'm getting you alone," I said.

"Why," Buck said a little nervously.

"Because you've got me worried," I said, "I can see those gears turning in your head. You're constantly thinking and losing yourself in your own thoughts. So I'm not leaving this room until you tell me what's going on."

"Nothing is going-," He said before finally making eye contact with me then stopping mid sentence, "I just keep reliving that day over and over." He says before collapsing on the bench.

"It's okay," I said as I sat down next to him, "I've relived it too, but you need to remember that we survived, all of us." I put my arm around him and pulled him in for a side hug. I smiled at him and looked into his eyes, and I saw myself leaning in again. This time we were cut off by the sound of the emergency siren going off followed by the intercom announcing the location of the call. I jumped up real fast and took off to the truck. I didn't want to just leave without saying anything, but what was I going to say? Sorry for leaning in like I was going to kiss you? How can you just explain that away? Why was I leaning in in the first place? I didn't mean to, but I also couldn't stop myself. The worst part is that I think some part of me wishes I hadn't stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> And here's chapter 3!!!! Let me know what you think!!!!! Love y'all!!!!!


	4. Buck

It's been a while since the tsunami. I decided to go to the chief and take him up on the offer to be the Fire Marshall, and it's honestly a little more fun than I thought it would be. Today is the day of the city-mandated, triennial fire drill. I guess you could say my actions were a little more egotistical than they probably should've been, but I got to say that it was a little fun to have a little payback. The drill however did go a little sideways because there was an accident in the stairwell due to a man having an epileptic seizure. I was heading back to my car when this guy in a suit came up to me.

"Are you Evan Buckley, the Fire Marshall," he asked as he walked up to me. 

"For the time being," I said as I turned to face him, "yes."

"Hi, yes, I'm an attorney who's representing various clients in suits for things that happened during today's fire drill," he said.

"Suits against who," I asked.

"If you can stop by my office later today," he said as he handed me his card, "I will explain everything to you then."

He turned and walked away, and I was left standing there with a million thoughts running through my head. I stopped by the 118 after I finished my report so I could tell them how they did. 

"So you chose to bring us our evaluation yourself instead of letting someone else deliver the bad news," Bobby said as I walked up to them. 

"How bad did we do," Chimney said trying to crack a joke that made me smile a little.

"You all passed surprisingly," I said handing Bobby the report, "Despite some minor issues, you made it just above the necessary standards after I did all the math."

"But you don't know math," Eddie said patting me on the shoulder and flashing me that amazing grin. 

"And that'll be my excuse if anyone decides to double check my work and call me out for any errors they find," I said laughing a little, "Hey did some lawyer guy talk to you guys at all before you left the drill this morning?"

"Oh you mean the guy who was practically chasing the ambulance before we even got the guy loaded up," Hen said.

"I guess so," I said looking at her, "He asked me to stop by his office later so we can talk about the drill this morning."

Bobby looked like he was about to say something when the siren and intercom went off. I watched as they all loaded up, including the new girl who seemed to be really close to Eddie. I looked over at the lockers and saw that my nameplate had been taped over except for the "B", and it now said "Bosco" instead of "Buckley."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

It was around 2:30 or so in the afternoon when I arrived at the lawyer guy's office. I was sitting in a leather chair as he was explaining to me why I was there.

"My name is Chase Mackey, and I am representing various clients in lawsuits against the LAFD," he said.

"The city," I said, "I assumed these clients of yours were suing the company that owns the building. I mean the LAFD didn't do anything wrong this morning; they were doing their job."

"43," he said, "That's the number of people I'm representing. That's the number of people that the LAFD failed to help. I am going to hold them accountable, and I would like your help."

"My help," I said, "Why do you want my help? Why do you think I would even help you?"

"I find that disgruntled employees often make the best witnesses," he said as he sat back and interlaced his fingers. 

"I'm not a disgr-," I started trailing off when he interrupted me.

"I've read up on you Mr. Buckley," he said as he leaned forward and made eye contact with me, "I know about the accident, and I know how you have not been able to return to active duty since then despite seeming to have made a practically perfect recovery."

"No," I said standing up angry, "You're wrong. I'm not going to help you. The firefighters that you're trying to turn into the bad guys are heroes, and they look out for this city."

"Who's looking out for you," he asked.

I started for the door, but I turned around before touching the doorknob and said, "You know the city... the department... those firefighters that you're trying to smear are more than just my coworkers or my friends. They're my family. So you ask who's got my back, they do." 

I walked out before he could say anything else. I got to my car when my phone went off. I looked at it and saw a text from Athena inviting me over for dinner tonight. I texted back and accepted the invite. So I went home real quick before heading over to Athena and Bobby's. When I arrived, I knocked on the door. Athena opened the door and gave me a hug. We went inside and sat at the table. I had missed Capt's cooking, and it was good to be here after the meeting I had with that attorney. We were laughing and talking when Bobby brought up the lawyer. So I told them what happened, and I told them how the attorney did give me the idea that if I got enough people to like sign a petition or whatever saying that I'm well enough and ready to get back in the field then the chief would have to listen. 

"Buck, Buck," Bobby said stopping me in the middle of my rant, "I can't let you do that."

"What," I said confused, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how the chief isn't going to let you back yet," Bobby said to me, "I told him that you're not ready yet to get back out in the line of duty. You're not 100% yet, and until yo-"

"Bobby I am 100%. I feel great. May-Maybe better than I ever have," I said trying to wrap my head around what he said. 

"Buck, you survived a tsunami, and I know that you probably think you can survive anything. However, I do not believe you're ready to return to active duty, and that is what I told the Chief when he asked my opinion on your reinstatement."

"Wait wait wait," I said as the pieces began to fall in place, "Are you saying that you're the reason they won't let me back?"

"Yes," he said plainly.

"Bobby how could you," I said as I stood up, "Athena I just wanted to say thank you for inviting me for dinner, and it was fun while it lasted. But I- I- I gotta go."

"Buck no," Athena said as I headed for the door, "Buck wait. You don't have to leave. Buck."

I could hear them asking me to stop and stay, but I couldn't. I needed to clear my head. I got in my car and just started driving. I don't know where I was going or what I was even thinking. After about 20 minutes or so of mindless driving, I pulled into a driveway and turned the car off; I got out of the car and walked up the steps of the front porch to the door and knocked. A few seconds later, I heard footsteps inside the house getting closer, and then the door opened. 

"Buck," Eddie said, "Is everything okay? What are you doing here so late?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Here's the next chapter. Due to this virus, work has been pretty slow at my new job. I'm gonna start working on the next chapter right away, and I might have it out by the end of the day. I'm gonna follow somewhat closely with the show's major points in the story-line, but I am making changes to things to fit the story I want to tell. I hope you like, comment, and share. Enjoy the story and be safe.


	5. Eddie

I opened the door to see him just standing there. It was late. I had just gotten Christopher down to sleep, and I was getting ready for bed myself when I heard the knock at the door.

"Buck," I said, "Is everything okay? What are you doing here so late?"

"I didn't know where else to go," he said with his head hung, "and I don't even know how I got here in one piece if I'm being honest."

"Well let's get inside before Christopher wakes up," I said ushering Buck into the living room.

Once we were inside, I went and grabbed us two beers out of the fridge and directed for us to sit on the couch. We started talking. One beer turned to two, and so on and so on. Finally, Buck cracked and told me the truth of why he was here.

"I'm hurt," Buck said, "He's like a dad to me, and now he's the reason I can't do what I love."

"Maybe he's just doing what he thinks is right," I said. I immediately regretted it the moment I saw the look on Buck's face. The hurt, the betrayal, the anger.

"Buck," I started but I didn't know what to say, and Buck just walked out. He left me standing there with nothing but my own thoughts. What was I supposed to say? I didn't regret what I said, but I regretted saying at that moment. Buck was looking for someone to find comfort in, and I met him with the same reaction he had gotten from Bobby. He probably thinks I don't have faith in him now, but I do. I have faith that he'll pull through this. I have faith that he's my best friend. I have faith that he's unlike anyone I've ever met. Most people when they meet my son aren't sure how to interact with him, but Buck just instantly knew how to interact with Christopher. Christopher also connected with Buck so easily because Buck saw him as a kid, not as a kid with CP. That's one of the things I love about him.

Oh my god. The beer slipped out of my hand and shattered on the floor.

I love him.

I'm in love with my best friend.

—————————————-

I woke up the next morning to my alarm. For a split second, I had forgotten about the events of last night, but they came back and hit me like a tidal wave. I'm in love with my best friend, and I betrayed him at a time when he needed me most. I just worry about what he might do.

After I dropped Christopher off at school, I headed in to work just like normal. I, however, saw that Cap was sitting off by himself, lost in his own thoughts.

"Hey, is everything okay," I asked as I walked up.

"Oh, morning Eddie, everything's fine," Cap said as he came out of his trance and sat up straight to talk to me. I guess he thought that he could just thrown on a normal face, and I would leave him alone. I knew better and so did he, so I sat down across from him and just waited for him to tell me what was going on. 

"Okay, I'm a little worried about Buck," he began.

"Because of what happened at dinner last night," I inquired.

"How-," Bobby began, "He told you, didn't he?" I nodded in response.

"I'm not upset with you about it," I said to try and ease Bobby's unease, "I trust you, therefore I trust that you make the calls that you think are best."

"Thank you Eddie," Bobby said letting out a small sigh of relief, "I just wish Buck could see it like that. The way he stormed out just makes me worry that he might do something irrational."

"He stormed out of my place, too," I said looking down at my hands, "I trust your decisions, but I feel like I somewhat betrayed him and made things worse by telling him that I trusted your choice."

"Look," Bobby began, but he was cut off by the sound of the alarm going off. Thus, we began our shift for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Sorry for the somewhat late update. I've just been really scatterbrained between work, friends, family, and everything that is going on right now. My heart and prayers are with the protesters, their families, and the families of those who have lost their lives to the injustice of our government. I hope you enjoy this update. Like, Comment, and Share. I will begin working on the next chapter now.


	6. Buck

I'm glad to see that you've reconsidered my offer. You won't regret this, just follow my advice and I will get you what you want and deserve. 

Those words kept playing on an endless loop in my head as I walked up the front door to Bobby and Athena's house. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. There was a moment of silence before the front door was opened to reveal the married couple who had become like second parents to me. 

"Buck," Athena said.

"Hi Athena," I said giving her a quick smile trying to keep my composure, "Bobby."

"Buck," Bobby said, "We weren't expecting you, but I'm glad you stopped by. I wanted to talk to you about last night. Please, just come inside and have a seat."

"Um, I actually can't do that Bobby," I said taking a deep breath in.

"Why's that," Athena asked. This was it. This was the moment where there'd be no turning back once the next words out of my mouth were spoken. 

"Actually, this will be the last time we can talk for a while," I said as I handed them the envelope I had been holding behind my back, "I told you I wouldn't stop fighting until I got my job back, and I won't — even if it means fighting you. That's why I'm filing a lawsuit against the city, the department, and you for wrongful termination. You've been served." I turned around and left despite their desperate attempts to call my name to get my attention. I couldn't bear to look at them. It hurt me just to tell them. I love them. They're my family, but I want my job back. No, I deserve my job back. They have to understand that I'm just doing this to get my job back, that's all I want. They'll forgive me, eventually. Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> I know it's a short chapter, but it's just to help keep the story somewhat in line with the timeline of the show. I will begin working on the next chapter today, and I hope to make it a little bit longer. As always, I love you all. Be safe. Like, Comment, and Share.


	7. Eddie

It happened while I was trying to get Christopher ready for bed. We were brushing our teeth when there was a knock at the front door. I went an opened the door to see a sheriff's deputy on the other side. 

"Edmundo Diaz of LAFD Station House 118," the deputy asked.

"Uh, yes. I'm him," I said confused.

"You've been served," the deputy said as he handed me an envelope. He then turned and left without saying another word. I shut the door and opened the envelope. 

"Oh, Evan what have you done," I said to myself as I read over the papers.

\-------------------------------------------------------

I arrived at the location of the law office that was on the subpoena. I saw Bobby, Hen, and Chimney there as well, and we all walked in together. The next couple of hours were kind of enraging. The questions the lawyer asked were pretty personal, and it upset me. I know Buck knew that he had done something wrong because he couldn't even bring himself to look at me. When it was finally over, we all went to work because our shift was about to start. 

"Hey, you cool," Bosco asked as we walked to the locker room at the end of the shift.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be? I mean it's not like my best friend just filed a lawsuit against us," I said through my teeth. 

Lena didn't press the issue any further for the rest of the shift. I think everyone kind of noticed that I wasn't in the best of moods. It was at the end of my shift when Bobby came and talked to me. I was in the locker room getting changed; I was running a little behind schedule because I was supposed to be already on my way to pick up Chris and take him to this sleepover tonight that he got invited to. The thought of him being away from home for a night worried me sick. I just kept having these thoughts of the worst possible scenarios running through my head that I didn't even notice Bobby was there until he put his hand on my shoulder causing me to jerk around.

"Easy there," Bobby said throwing his hands up slightly as if surrendering.

"Sorry, Cap," I said, "I've just been stuck in my own head."

"Yeah, that's why I wanted to talk to you," Bobby said.

"Look, I really appreciate it, Bobby," I said standing up, "I just can't right now. I have to go pick up Chris to take him to a sleepover, and I am running late as it is."

Bobby doesn't say anything further. He just nods, steps to the side with an outstretched arm as if to gesture 'after you'. So, I grab my bag and race to my truck. I rush over to pick up Chris, apologizing to Carla and Abuela for running late. I then race over to the address Tasha sent me for the sleepover. I pull into the handicap parking spot as usual and begin to get Chris out of the car. Tasha comes over to help Chris with his things, and I start making sure that she's gotten my emails. She explains to me what the night is going to entail, and I feel a little more at ease knowing more of what's going to happen. However, I just can't help but still worry. This kid is my everything. I can't lose him. I lost Shannon, and I'm losing Buck. I'm lost in thought while walking to the driver's side of my truck when I hear someone yell at me.

"Hey," the stranger yelled at me, "That's a handicap spot."

"Yeah, I know," I say as I'm trying to get in my truck.

"Oh you know?!" the guy says clearly agitated, "That's rich. I had knee surgery and had to park three rows in, but uh look at you. Must be nice to own the world."

"Look, I'm not doing this with you, man," I said leaning through the open window of my truck door, "My kid has CP, and I just dropped him off." 

"Yeah, I'm sure," the man said scoffing, "Like those guys who put uh dummies in their passenger seats so they can use the carpool lane." 

I shut the door to my truck and approach the man, "Did you just insult my kid?"

"I didn't insult anybody; I'm calling you out," the man said in a tone that made my blood boil even more, "You got something to say about it?"

What happened next was a blur. I struck him. I was arrested. I called Lena to come to bail me out of jail. 

"Thanks," I said, "For coming to bail me out."

"I was surprised to get your call," she said as we were walking out of the jailhouse and to the parking lot, "I didn't realize we were at the 'bail each other out of jail' phase of our friendship."

"There's no way I was gonna call my Abuela or the 118 and I'm not allowed to talk to Buck," I said stopping once we were in the parking lot.

"Look I don't mind the bailing, but I'm a little more worried about the jailing part," she said turning to me. 

"I guess I just snapped," I said sighing.

"You punched a handicapped guy," she said.

"He wasn't handicapped. He had a-" I said shaking my head, "He had a bad knee. There's a difference, besides it won't happen again. Lesson learned."

"Okay, you need to blow off some steam," she said, "you're coming with me tonight. There's something I want to show you."

When we got to where she was taking us, all I saw was a bunch of people surrounded by a circle of vehicles. When we gathered with the other onlookers, I saw that they were all watching two guys fighting, like boxing. The fight kept going until one of them tapped out or got knocked out, I assumed. When one of the guys finally tapped out, there was a bunch of cheering and hollering. 

"Alright, who's next," this guy stepped up and shouted, "Bosco, you want a piece?"

"Watch and learn," Bosco said to me as she took off her jacket and stepped into "the ring" so to speak. 

I have to hand it to her; she can fight. She knocked the other guy out in about 5 minutes or so. When she came back over to me, she took my beer and said, "You can fight tomorrow night if you'd like. Same time; same place." 

"I'm down," I said. 

\----------------------------------------------------------

I met Lena at the same place as the night before, dressed and ready for a fight. 

"Well, look at you Mr. Powder-keg," Lena said as I walked up, "You sure you want to do this." 

"Yeah," I said taking off my jacket and my shirt.

"Alright," the announcer began, "First up tonight, we have two newcomers. Smith vs. Diaz!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Here's the next chapter!!! Sorry for not updating sooner, things have just been crazy lately. I hope you are all doing well, and I wish everyone the best of luck during these crazy times. As always. I love you. Like comment and share!


	8. Buck

It had been a few days after the arbitrary hearing with the 118 when I got the text that there was some big news. So, Buck raced over to the attorney's office. 

"You said that you had some big news," I said as I walked into his office.

"The biggest," he says while writing on a piece of paper before handing it to me.

"I don't understand," I said as I read over the number he had written on the paper, "What this?"

"That's the city's offer," he said smiling, "They want to settle."

"I didn't do this for the money," I said, "I did this to get my job back. I did this so I could go back to my team." 

"Are you sure they're gonna want you back," he said giving me a confused look, "I don't mean to sound like I'm gloating, but I raked your friends over the coals pretty hard."

"I told you that stuff so you could help me get my job back," I said getting upset, "I didn't ask for this." 

"You realize their offering you millions," he said, "You'll never have to work another day in your life. I did what you asked me to do. Why are you upset? We won."

"No, you won," I said seething, "If I had won, I'd be on my way back to being a firefighter with the 118." 

I turned and left his office. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. I asked him to get me my job back, and instead, he attacks my friends and only got the city to offer me money as a settlement instead of my job. What am I supposed to do now?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hen was the first one to notice me at the grocery store. I tried to make some excuse about why I was there, but they all saw right through it. I took a deep breath and stopped trying to beat around the bush. 

"I-I came here to apologize," I said, "Look, I never meant things to get so - so out of hand with the lawsuit and and-."

"Yeah," Eddie said cutting me off, "Well what'd you think was gonna happen? The lawsuit's bad enough, but you told your lawyer everything about us. Personal things."

"Well, you're supposed to be truthful with your lawyer," I replied seeing that Eddie was angry, "Why are you so pissed at me?"

"Because you're exhausting," Eddie said stepping closer to me, "We all have our own problems but you don't see us whining about it. No, somehow we manage to just suck it up, why can't you?"

"That's kind of harsh," Chimney said jumping in, "It's not like the guy asked to be crushed by a ladder truck."

"No, but he filed a stupid lawsuit and now I can't even talk to you beacuse of it. Do you know how much Christopher misses you," Eddie says, and I see something in his eyes but it's fleeting, "How could you? You're not around."

"I didn't realize that," I said as my heart broke from hearing how my actions had affected more people than I thought, "Maybe I could come to see Christopher? You know the lawsuit doesn't prevent that."

"No, it just prevents me from reaching out to you. I couldn't even call you to bail me out of jail," Eddie says and I could see looks of confusion on everyone's faces except Lena's.

"If that was something that happened," Eddie said trying to pass it off as just a hypothetical thing, but I could see there was a story there. 

"What are you talking about," I said confused and defensive, "Look, man, why can't you see my side of this?"

"Because that's all you see," Eddie says pointing a finger at me as he steps closer, and I'm pretty sure he would have hit me had it not been for the incident outside drawing everyone's attention.

My plan to try and talk to them had failed. I didn't even get to talk to them about what happened today with the lawyer and everything. The worst part is I left that grocery store hating myself more because I ended hurting the one person who I had made a promise to myself that I would never hurt. I had promised myself that I wouldn't ever leave Christopher, and that's exactly what I did.

I was just sitting at home beating myself up when my phone dinged with a text message notification. It was from Bobby.

Bobby: The team's going to the Rage Room tonight, and we need to talk. So I'll see you at 8:30.

I hesitate before responding and that's when another text comes through.

Bobby: That's an order Buckley, not a request.

So I shoot back a text letting him know I'll be there. I just pace around my apartment wondering what Bobby and I need to talk about. Maybe he'd been notified about my discussion with my lawyer or something I don't know. All I do know is that I felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest when I showed up at 8:30.

"Hey Bobby," I said nervously, "Thank you for inviting me, and I just wanted to apologize about earlier today."

Bobby waved it off as he said, "You're gonna get a call from the Chief tomorrow. You're being reinstated to active duty. The brass didn't want the headache and they're afraid of the bad press." 

"That-That's awesome," I said with a smile on my face.

"Yeah, maybe not," Bobby said, "They gave me the option to transfer you. They understood how I might not want you back after everything you put us through, but I said no. You're coming back to the 118 where I can keep an eye on you." 

"Thanks, Captain," I said, "You won't regret it."

"You might," Bobby said, "My house, my rules, remember that?"

Bobby then turned and walked off to gear up for the rage room, and I was just left there feeling a little uneasy at Bobby's comments. I walked over to a pile of cinder blocks when Lena walked up beside me and offered me a sledgehammer. We then started swinging away. After about ten minutes of destruction, I huffed and turned to Lena.

"So where's Eddie tonight," I asked.

"I don't know, maybe he had something better to do," she said but something in her voice made me think that there was more that she knew.

"He's probably with Christopher," I said trying to say something to get Lena to open up, "Except I spoke with Carla earlier, and she told me that she was staying with Christopher at his Abuela's a little longer today because Eddie asked her to since he had plans tonight. He's not here, and something tells me that you know more than you're telling." 

"Okay I might know where he is," she said, "but you can't confront him about it." 

We started talking and she told me everything. The handicap guy, the jailing, the bailing, and the streetfighting. All of it. When we finished talking, she made me promise to not say anything because it was a way for Eddie to let off some steam from all the pent-up anger he has right now. I shook my head in understanding, but I couldn't help but notice the tightness in my chest that had formed as a representation of the worry and fear I had for what my best friend was getting himself into. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I got a call from the Chief just as Bobby said, and he informed me that I'd start back on Halloween. I couldn't wait to be able to put that uniform on again and be with my team again. I had all the ideas in my head about my first day back, but the reality was worse than the fantasy. Hen was the first person to welcome me back. Everyone else was giving me the cold shoulder, except for Hen and Chimney really. Eddie would barely look at me let alone speak to me. When the alarm went off, I was ready to go back out in the truck, but Bobby stopped me and said I was the man behind today. I tried to object, but Bobby just said what he said in the rage room about his house, his rules. 

When it got closer to the evening time, Bobby informed me that I'd be in charge of the table for Trick-or-Treaters, and then Chimney told me about when he first got to the 118 and how he was always the man behind for the first several weeks. So, I decided to listen to what both Bobby and Chimney had said and decided to suck it up and go along with it. The night went on, and the rude kid who was trying to get extra candy didn't help Buck's mood. 

"Ed-Eddie," I said as Eddie walked by after getting back in from a call, "You maybe want to give me a hand with this?"

"Nah, you've got it. You're 100%, right," Eddie said in a chastising manner, "The lawsuit proved that."

Eddie walked away before I could say anything. The night went on for another few hours before I was able to start packing things up. I was starting to carry a box back to the storage closet when Eddie walked past me and rolled his eyes. 

"So that's how it's gonna be then, huh," I said setting the box back down on the table, "You're just gonna keep on ghosting me, is that it? Because Halloween's over just so you know."

"I don't what you want from me, Buck," he said turning back to me, "Forgive, forget, make you feel better about what you did."

"I just want you to talk to me," I say and Eddie begins to turn away, "even if it's just to say that you're still mad." 

"I'm not mad. I'm-," Eddie said turning back to me again, "When you decided to sue the department, to make Cap the bad guy, did you ever stop to think what that could do to us?"

There was this part of myself that thought that he was talking about me and him exclusively when he said 'us', but I forced that thought from my head because I can't think like that. I'm not supposed to think like that, my father made sure I knew that every day growing up.

"I-I just needed my job back," I said stepping towards Eddie, "I missed being here, being part of the team. I never meant for anyone to get hurt." 

"Lot of 'I's in there," Eddie said, "Your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. That's what it means to be part of a team."

"You're right," I said letting Eddie's words sink in, "I didn't think about what would happen. I was mad at Bobby for not letting me back. I was mad at you guys for moving on without me. I was mad that there was nothing I could do about it. And I just - I just wanted to-,"

"Punch someone," Eddie said cutting me off with his eyes on the floor hinting that he knew what I was feeling. 

"Yeah a little," I said, for a second I was hoping he would mention the street fighting so they could talk about it without me having to bring it up myself, "and I get it, and I really am sorry. Whatever it takes for you to forgive me-"

"Oh I forgive you," Eddie said with a sigh, "That's also what it means to be part of a team. Just- Just don't do it again."

I couldn't help myself as a smile stretched across my face. We both started laughing a little and hugged each other as we always have. It seemed like my night was getting better until Bobby let me go home early. I tried to object, but I knew it was no use. So, I headed home, that was of course until I saw the man in the windshield. The doctors told me that the man was very lucky to still be alive. When Bobby showed up, I thought that I was about to get reprimanded for being careless, but Bobby surprised me by telling me that it was time he got out of Buck's way. They went out to eat and caught up. Things were starting to return to normal, except for the fact that Eddie was street fighting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Two chapters in one day, here's hoping I can get a couple more out before the day's end. As always. I love you, be safe. Like comment and share.


	9. Eddie

I couldn't help it. I was hooked. I kept winning fight after fight, but I wanted more and more after each fight. The money wasn't bad either. I was talking to the guy in charge after a fight to get my money when he mentioned an opportunity to make more money. I was intrigued, and he gave me the time and address for the fight. I went home and stuck the paper the guy gave me on my fridge. A couple of days went by and before I knew it, I was getting ready for the fight. Christopher had another sleepover, so I didn't have to worry about what time I came home or how I looked when I came home. The guy was happy that I decided to come as I walked into the abandoned warehouse and saw a large crowd of people surrounding a cage and lots of money being passed around. The guy told me that I was up next, but before I could follow the guy to the backside of the cage, I felt a hand on my wrist as I was pulled back and held in place. 

"What the hell," I said as I turned ready to punch the person grabbing my wrist, however, I wasn't expecting to find that it was Buck on the other end of the hand on my wrist, "Buck?!"

"Let's go," Buck said pulling my wrist again, "Now." 

"Whoa, hold up," the announcer guy said walking up, "Diaz here can't leave. He's gotta fight, the bets have already been placed."

"Yeah," I said yanking my wrist from Buck's grip, "Besides you don't tell me what to do." 

I turned to find Lena blocking my path. She gave me this look that said try to go past me and see what happens. 

"Bosco, what are you doing? You know the rules of this," the guy said.

"I also know that money is more important to you than the fights," she said without even turning around.

"So how much to buy him out," Buck asked, "For good."

"With the number of bets that have been placed in his favor already," the announcer guy said thinking, "I'd say $1500."

Buck reaches into his pocket and hands the man a wad of cash. 

"There," Buck said before grabbing my arm again and pulling me towards the exit, "Now let's go."

"It was nice knowing you Diaz," the guy shouted after me.

I tried to wrangle myself out of Buck's grip again, but he just tightened his grip, even more, every time I struggled. I was finally able to break free just as we got to my truck. 

"Let go of me," I shouted as I got my arm free, "Why the hell are you even here?"

"Because," Buck said pinning me against my truck, "someone had to stop you."

"Eddie you almost killed the guy at your last fight," Lena interjected before I could protest Buck's statement. 

"How would you know? You weren't even there," I snapped at her, "How'd you even know where to find me, and why did you drag him into this?" 

"I dragged her into this because I came by your house to see if you wanted to hang out, but all I found when I went inside was a piece of paper on your fridge a location date and time. So I called Lena about it, and she explained what happened at your last fight. She then picked me up from your house and drove me here," Buck said seething with rage while still pinning me against my truck, "Now give me your keys because I'm driving you home." 

I scoffed at him and rolled my eyes. That just seemed to piss him off more, so Buck dug into my jacket pockets and pulled out my keys. 

"Get in," he said before shoving me to the other side of the truck. 

I got in, but I made it well known that I wasn't happy about it. Buck just gave Lena a nod before she headed back to her car, and then he hopped into the driver seat and began the drive to my house.

The drive was silent, but I could hear the seething from Buck in the way he breathed. When we got my house, I saw that Buck's jeep wasn't the only car there. 

"I called Bobby before Lena and I got to the warehouse," Buck said getting out of the truck.

I groaned to myself unhappy about what was waiting for him once he went inside his house. As he walked through the door, Bobby stood up from the couch and just motioned for me to sit down. 

"I'm not going to pry or ask you any questions," Bobby began.

"Okay," I said.

"I'm not done talking," Bobby said sternly in a way that was more than just a captain speaking to one of his teammates, "I've put in a request for mandatory counseling sessions once a week with the department's therapist. I'm not asking you to talk to me about what's going on with you. I just want you to figure this out and talk to someone about it. So, Frank will be expecting you tomorrow at his office at 3:30."

I went to object but the look both Bobby and Buck were giving me said that they weren't gonna take no for an answer. So I just agreed and then stormed off to my bedroom to show that I was done talking to them. I didn't actually climb into bed until I heard the sound of the front door shutting and the starting of their vehicles.

Once I knew they were gone, I just sunk to the floor and ran my hands through my hair. This was never supposed to happen. Lena, Buck, Bobby, They were all right, but at that moment I couldn't let them know that. Something was up with me, and I just kept getting angrier by the day and I didn't know why. It truly scared me on some level. I just didn't know how to talk about it, but I knew that if I didn't talk about it then someone was gonna end up hurt. So, I did as Bobby said, and I started seeing Frank once a week. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I started my sessions with Frank, I was resistant. I didn't want to talk about my feelings because they always made me feel vulnerable and weak. As a soldier and even now as a firefighter, I had to keep my emotions in check because even the slightest bit of hesitation could mean a drastic consequence for me and my unit. As a father, I had to keep my emotions in check to make sure that Christopher never felt bad or upset about having to require so much help and attention. Growing up, I had to keep my emotions in check because I was the only boy out of me and my siblings, and that meant I had to be the man whenever my father wasn't around. So, emotions have never been an easy thing for me to acknowledge or even discuss, and that was something I've been trying to work on with Frank. 

"So you began the street fighting as a way to blow off steam," Frank asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Why did you feel the need to blow off steam?"

"Lena suggested it, and I guess I knew deep down that I had some pent-up anger issues to deal with."

"What anger issues? Why were you angry?" 

"Because of everything that had happened. Because of the lawsuit,"

"Okay let's start there," Frank said while taking notes, "What upset you about the lawsuit?"

"Buck was being careless and selfish," I said.

"And that upset you?"

"Of course it upset me. He wasn't thinking about what his actions could do to others. It was like he was a bull and could only see red. This isn't the first time either. He does time and time again. Then he leaves us to help pick up the pieces. He doesn't stop to think about others, and it just infuriates me."

"Why do you think it infuriates you?"

"Because he promised. He promised he wouldn't leave us. He promised he'd be there. He promised that we'd never lose him. When we lost Shannon, we survived because we had Buck. I don't think we'll survive it if we were to lose Buck too."

"What makes you think you won't survive it?"

"Because I watched as that ladder truck sat on Buck's leg and I was powerless to help him. Because I watched as he had a pulmonary embolism and was puking up blood, and I stood there. Because I let him in. Because I allowed him to become a part of our lives. I allowed him to become a pillar of support for my son and myself. I allowed myself to-"

I sucked in a breath as a realization dawned on me and tears were rolling down my face.

"You allowed yourself to what?" Frank said, and I'm pretty sure he was on the edge of his seat. 

"I allowed myself to fall in love with him. I allowed myself to not suppress the tendencies of a part of myself that I've kept hidden since before I met Shannon. I allowed myself to fall in love with someone, and they've done nothing but repeatedly make me fear for the day that they might not come back," I said as more tears began to fall.

"There it is," Frank said as he finished writing down some notes and sat back in his chair. 

"What," I said wiping away the tears. 

"The breakthrough," Frank said as he set his notepad aside, "We were finally able to break through your walls that you had built by just asking you several open-ended questions without giving your mind the chance to put up its defenses. This allowed us to get to the root of the issue and figure out where these other issues are truly stemming from.

"And what is the root of my issues?" 

"Athazagoraphobia. The fear of being forgotten, ignored or abandoned. I believe it stems from the loss of your wife, Christopher's mother. That you're projecting your forgotten anger with her for leaving onto Buck because you've come to see him as you used to see her. As your partner, your confidant. You've come to see him as a spouse," Frank said, "And you never realized it because as you said, you have suppressed that said of you that is interested in men. So you never realized fully what your feelings for Buck were and meant, or if you did, you just suppressed them. So that on top of unfinished issues with your wife is just a big recipe for disaster on the human psyche. It's understandable that all of this would lead you to want to hit something yet never quite satisfying the rage because the anger and pain you feel is just for others but for yourself. You're angry at Shannon for leaving and at Buck for almost leaving, but you're also angry at yourself for allowing them to have that impact on you by being so important to you."

"You're right," I said looking at the floor, "So what do I do about it?" 

"You tell them how you feel," Frank said, "Allow yourself to open up to them about what scares you. The only way to overcome is something is to face it head-on without any hesitation. Otherwise, it is going to consume you."

"Okay," I said, "I just have to say how I feel."

I left Frank's office knowing what I needed to do but no godly clue how to do it. How do you tell your best friend that you're angry at him for what he's done because you're afraid to lose him because of what your wife did to you because you've come to see him as having filled the role she left vacant in you and your son's lives because you're in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> So Eddie is the first to fully admit those three words to himself. What do you think? Now let's just see if Eddie can find the right words to tell Buck how he feels. As always, love ya and be safe. Like comment and share.


	10. Buck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all be prepared. This was a rollercoaster for me just while writing it.

So it's been a few weeks since Eddie started seeing Frank, and it started being a regular thing that Eddie would text me after he left Frank's office. It was just a small thing, but I couldn't help but notice when I didn't receive a text from Eddie after his session today. His sessions usually end around 4:30, but it was already 5:30 without a text from Eddie. So, I decided to shoot him a text.

Buck: Hey Eds, just checking in. I didn't hear from you after your session with Frank, and I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Also, just double-checking on the plans for movie night this Saturday. 

I hit send and put my phone down on the coffee table. I walked over to my kitchen to start making myself dinner. I was about to start browning some meat when I heard the familiar sound of a text notification come from my phone. I walked over and picked up my phone to see a text from Eddie.

Eddie: Hey, sorry for not texting you after my session. We had a bit of a breakthrough, and Frank said a lot of things that I'm still trying to process and think about completely. We're still on for Saturday night movie; Christopher can't wait.

Buck: That's great, Eddie, that you had a breakthrough. I understand the needing to think through what the therapist says, so don't feel like you have to rush into anything. And tell Christopher that I can't wait for Saturday night either. These next 5 days are going to be filled with anticipation for movie night.

Eddie: Same for me except I'm also worried about the show and tell I promised Christopher I'd attend his class on Friday for.

Buck: Don't stress too much about it. You'll find the right words to say.

Eddie: Thanks, Buck, I'll catch ya tomorrow at work. Good Night.

Buck: Good night Eddie. 

That was the last text I sent to Eddie before I went back to making myself dinner. I barely ate much of what I made because my mind kept drifting to what Eddie's breakthrough could've been about. So many thoughts and ideas were running through my head, but I ended up pushing them all down, especially a particular few that were about more than a friendship. I shoved those thoughts to the deepest part of my mind like I have my entire life.

Growing up wasn't easy. My family is not the white picket family you would think us to be when you saw us at social gatherings. I hated going to parties with my parents, especially after Maddie left. Mom and Dad were so proud of Maddie about everything except her choice in men. Yeah, Doug seemed like a great guy, but you only saw and thought what he wanted you to see and think about him. I guess I got good at recognizing people like that because that's how my family was when we went out together. It was always "Don't embarrass us, Evan." "Now, remember what we talked about, Evan." It was never "Thank you, Evan." "We're proud of you, Evan." Not even when I went to join the SEALS. I never seemed to please my parents no matter what I did. I guess it didn't help that they saw something in me at an early age that they didn't like. I wasn't entirely like all the other boys I knew. Yeah, I was athletic and cool. I was in with the popular crowd, but there were parts of me that I tried to hide from everyone. However, my family always seemed to figure it out. My dad beat me the first time he figured it out. My mother wept and scolded me. Maddie, she hugged me and loved me like she always did. I had come to count on her because she would help me stay out of anything that could result in a beating or a scolding, but then she left. She left, and I was alone with my parents. I was strong back then, but it's hard to fight back when you're told from a young age that you'll never make it. That you'll never be strong enough. That's ultimately was the reason I was dismissed from the SEALS program. 

I went to the SEALS training cause it was the last shot at pleasing my parents that I had. Then, the program director called me to his office one day and told me that I wasn't suitable for the program. He said that while I had the physique and skill for it; I just wasn't mentally apt to handle the intense emotional situations that I'd be put in. It hurt, but I ultimately knew he was right. Despite all the things I did growing up to try and toughen myself, I still couldn't help that I didn't want to hurt anyone. I had built up this tough bravado exterior, but I was still more the type to protect than attack deep down. So, the director advised me to look into the firefighter academy, and that's how I ended up finding myself at the 118. It was the rejection of the SEALS that led me to find my true family with the 118, and it in extension helped me be able to get my sister back. And if I'm being completely honest, it led me to Eddie and Christopher. I don't know what I would do without them in my life, and I would do anything for them. That's why I suppress my thoughts and feelings. Because if I was honest with myself and let myself think for one second about the possibility of more, it'd be taken away from me like it always has. My friend Conner from high school was taken from me the moment my dad overheard me tell Maddie how I thought about kissing Conner one time. Then, Maddie was taken from me when I thought she might save me from my parents by taking me with her. Next, Abby left me because she needed to find herself. Then, Ali left me because my job was too much for her. I got lucky enough to get Maddie back in my life, but that wasn't for the lack of a fight. I almost ruined my bond with the 118 completely because of the lawsuit, so I'm not going to do anything else to jeopardize the way things are right now. I will suppress any and all feelings that could be detrimental as long as I am able to hold on to the family that I have made for myself here in Los Angeles. I've kept so many feelings bottled up for so many years, so I can continue to do it now. Or so I thought.

_______________________________________________________

Of course, Eddie was the one to offer to jump down the hole. So, Bobby put me in charge of the line, and the weather was not helping my unease at the situation unfolding before me. I trusted Eddie, but I was still scared of the what-ifs. I was scared for Eddie and for the kid that was trapped, which is why I protested when Bobby said to bring Eddie back up even though Eddie hadn't signaled that he had the kid yet.

"Can't we give him a few more minutes," I asked, "He hasn't signaled us yet, and he could almost have the kid right now."

"Time's up," Bobby said, "Pull him out of there."

I obeyed Bobby's command and began to reel the line back in. Then, one of the worst things possible happened. 

"I'VE LOST THE WEIGHT," I shouted as I started to pull the line faster until it pulled up enough for us to see what happened.

"He cut the damn line," Bobby said. 

Everyone started hustling around to execute a back-up plan. We were soon lowering Chim down into the hole. Several minutes later, we brought him back up with the kid in hand. We were preparing to drop another line for Eddie when disaster struck. Literally. Lighting struck the tower, and I instinctually ran and knocked Bobby out of the way as the tower came crashing down. When I got back up, it felt like my body was ripped in half. The tower collapsing caused the hole we dug to cave in, sealing us off from Eddie. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I just threw myself at the ground where the hole used to be and began digging. I was hysterical, but I couldn't stop. Eddie was going to die down there if we didn't get to him soon. Bobby was the one to pull me away, and I collapsed in his lap.

We were inside the house trying to come up with a rescue plan. I couldn't look anywhere besides the spot where the hole used to be. I told them that we have to go ahead and begin digging again, but Bobby dismissed it because we didn't have another drill.

"Then we dig by hand," I said as we all walked back out to the porch.

"Not with all the rain, we could trigger another collapse," Chim said joining in on the conversation.

"How long can he last down there," I asked the guy in who's supposed to be the professional for situations like this when the drill is used.

"You're talking about 30 feet of wet earth coming down right on top of him," the guy said looking between all of us.

"Wait for a second, you all think he's dead," I said to them prepared to chastise them and run off and dig by myself.

"Nobody thinks that," Bobby said giving me a look.

"We just don't know how to get him out," Chim interjected.

"Nobody's giving up, Buck, nobody," Hen said coming up beside me, "We're gonna find him."

I looked around at everyone's faces and they tried to hide it. Except I could see it plain as day on their faces; they were fearing the worst. Eddie can't be dead. He can't be. I'd know it. He wouldn't leave behind Christopher, not after everything they've been through. But what if he was. What if it was too late, I don't want to have to have that conversation. I don't want to have to be the one to tell Christopher that his father's dead now, too. Then again, I wouldn't want anyone else to be the one to do it either, and neither would Eddie. I'm the optimum person to break that news to Christopher because of the connection we have, - But no. I mentally shook myself. He's not dead, and I'm gonna make sure that everyone else knows it too.

We spent more time coming up with a plan and calling in reinforcements to help. The rain was beginning to let up as we gathered at the hole to debrief. Bobby finished his bit and handed it over to the other guy to go over the plan for the use of the choppers with their thermal imaging camera when I heard it.

"That's not going to be easy," it was strained, raspy, and weak, but there was no denying that voice.

"Eddie," Bobby said in disbelief as he turned to the sound of the voice.

"I'm pretty cold right now," Eddie said as he finally came to view before collapsing into the arms of those closest to him.

That's when I rushed to him. Everything else going on around me was a blur including the voices. All I could see was Eddie. He was alive. Barely, but alive. I had a hold of him on one side while we got him over to the ambulance so he could get checked and transported ASAP. I was just relieved to feel him in my hands. I wanted to run my hands along his body and inspect every inch of to make sure nothing was wrong on the exterior, then the doctors could check him out on his interior. But I silenced those thoughts. Eddie, of course, cracked a joke about a big date on Friday that he couldn't miss while the rest of us, mostly me, were losing our minds worried about him. I rode in the back of the ambulance with Eddie as he was transported to the hospital. I never once let go of his hand until Hen pulled me away because I was about to deck the nurse who was trying to pry my hand away from Eddie's.

I sat in the waiting room with my leg bouncing like crazy when I felt a hand on my knee. I looked up to see Maddie sitting next to me giving me a small smile to let me know she was here for me. I couldn't help it. I wrapped my arms around her and just let it go. I began sobbing into her shoulder while she just rubbed my back lightly while softly shushing me. We sat like that for a few minutes with Maddie occasionally whispering into my ear to say that Eddie was alive and that he was going to make it. I released her from the embrace and sat back while wiping my eyes and nodding because I knew it, but I just couldn't help it. I was finally coming down from the adrenaline rush that had kicked in at the moment I saw the hole had caved in. It wasn't until now that the true extent of the incident's impact on me decided to rear its big, ugly, emotional head. 

Another hour passed before I saw Carla walk through the main entrance with Christopher. Christopher came straight to me, and I wrapped him up in the biggest hug, holding him tight to my chest as I silently let another few sobs come out. I sat Christopher down, and he could see the pain on my face.

"Wha-what happened, Bucky," he asked me, "Is my daddy going to be alright?"

I almost broke at the sound of Christopher's voice, but I responded with, "You're dad's going to be just fine. He just had a little accident in the mud while saving a little boy, and he had to be brought here to be cleaned right up."

I didn't want to risk telling him the truth, so I told him a watered-down version. Christopher already lost his mother, and I'm not going to risk saying anything that might make him think he was going to lose his dad too.

"He's going to make it," Christopher said hugging me, "He survived the ambulance so he's going to be just fine." 

It took me a second to realize what Christopher was talking about, then it hit me. Shannon. She died in the ambulance. This realization forced me to pick Christopher up again and hold him against my chest. I only briefly saw the reactions of the interaction between me and Christopher on everyone's faces before I turned at the sound of the double doors opening and closing.

"Family for Eddie Diaz?" The nurse asked looking at a clipboard before looking up. 

"Yes," I said walking up while still holding Christopher who turned his head so he could look at the nurse while still resting his head on my shoulder. 

I could hear the shuffling of feet and bodies behind me move towards the nurse while remaining a few feet behind me, and I could hear the yawns of some of the others as they got out of the waiting room chairs. It was late already, and I assumed that Christopher had been woken up by the call to Carla to let her know what happened because his eyes were heavy and he was still in his pajamas. I hated that we had woken him, but I'm betting Chris is the one who convinced Carla to bring him. He's always been the one to convince her or Eddie to bring him whenever I was laid up in the hospital. 

"Um- okay," the nurse said deciding not to question the fact that so many people had responded to her question, "We've finished our initial tests on Mr. Diaz, and we've moved him into a room now. We've come to the conclusion that he only sustained minor injuries from lack of oxygen and heat from being underground for an unusual amount of time. He's stable, and we've begun an IV drip to help him begin regaining his strength. We're going to keep him overnight just for observation, but we expect him to be able to go home in the morning or early afternoon tomorrow. He's awake now, but we've given him something to help him rest that should be kicking in soon. I can only allow immediate family to enter the room at this time, so who would that be?"

I could hear everyone looking at me, and Bobby was the first to speak up, "That'd be them."

"Okay just to make sure, what are your relations to Mr. Diaz," the nurse asked looking at me and Christopher.

"This is his son, Christopher," I said nodding my head at the boy in my arms.

"And you?" The nurse asked jotting Christopher's name down.

"I-I'm Buck," I said trying to think of something to say, and then I decided to go with the truth, "I'm- his, uh- I'm his partner." 

The nurse opened her mouth, and then closed it, and nodded in understanding as she looked at the faces of those behind me. She led us to Eddie's room, and he turned his head to look at us as we entered the room.

"hey," he said, his voice still as raspy as it was when he appeared, but it wasn't as weak anymore. 

He gave us a small smile. Christopher reached out for his dad, and I slowly laid him down on the bed next to Eddie while I sat down in a chair that I pulled right up to the side of the bed that Christopher wasn't on. 

"How'd you get back here," Eddie asked while rubbing Christopher's back.

"I told them I was your partner," I said, "I'm guessing they assumed that I meant it romantically."

Eddie chuckled lightly, his eyes fluttering, "I'm glad you're here."

"Damn it, Eddie," I said letting out a sigh, "Don't do that again."

"Do what," he said looking at me confused.

"Leave," I said, and there was a pause. I could see something dawn on Eddie's face as he looked at me. I know he could see the pain I had been in. The pain that I was still in, so I continued, "You scared the shit out of me. When I saw that it-" 

I looked at Christopher to see that he was already out. 

"When I saw that the hole had caved in, I felt like I was being ripped in half. I was going crazy, and I couldn't think straight," I said as I laid a hand on the bed next to Eddie while I wiped my face with my other hand, "Eddie, I couldn't breathe."

I hung my head as I felt tears sting my eyes. Then, I felt something wrap around my right hand while my left hand wiped away the tears. I looked up to find Eddie looking at me with these big eyes full of something I couldn't recognize while holding my hand in his. 

"I-I'm s-sorry," Eddie said before a yawn captured his voice.

"Shhhh," I said as I watched Eddie fall asleep, the meds finally kicking in, "it's okay. It's okay now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> OH MY GOD!! I did not expect this. I just started typing and the words kept flowing. I really hope you enjoy it; it was a rollercoaster for me while writing this. I think this may be one of, if not, the longest chapters I've ever written. As always, stay safe. I love you. Like comment and share.


	11. Eddie

I wasn't about to let him go down that hole. No way. I was not going to let Buck risk his life, _again._ So, I volunteered, and it wasn't long before I was going down into the hole. I was just finally starting to get to the boy when I felt it. There was no way I wasn't going to feel it. I was being pulled out of the hole. I was trying to yell at them over the radio, but all I got was static. So, I did the only thing that popped into my mind. I cut the line. 

I knew they'd be pissed, but I had to save this boy. The protocol would dictate that they send someone else down after me, so I got the boy up and just waited for the rescue. I didn't have to wait long before Chimney appeared. He took the boy out first, and I sat and waited for the next line to be dropped. I was listening for the sound of the line, but the only thing I heard next was the sound of lightning. Then the earth came crashing down and everything went black. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People say that your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. Except for me, what I saw was Afghanistan, my family, Shannon, Christopher, and... _Buck._ It started off with Afghanistan. Then, the birth of my son. Next came the battle that earned me the silver star. I'm supposed to go with Christopher to show-and-tell and share the story of how I got that silver star, but I'm not sure what I'm going to say. I then saw the arguments Shannon and I had. Then, she was gone. All that was left was a note and our son laying in the bed next to me, not knowing the full extent of what has happened. His mother had abandoned him. Then, my parents try to take him from me, and that's when I decided to leave. I moved to Los Angeles, and I joined the 118. I met Buck, and my family started to feel whole again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I came to and still had the thought of Buck in my head when I saw the way out had caved in due to the storm. I tried screaming into the radio. Trying to get anyone to hear me. To know that I'm alive. That I was _still_ alive down here, but once again I was met with nothing but static from the other end. That's when I remembered. This was a well, which meant the water had to come from somewhere, so I decided to follow the water. It was cold and dark, and the battery on my helmet died. The glowsticks were helpful, but I could barely see anything still. The further I went, the higher the water level rose until there was maybe an inch of air before I was fully submerged. I just tried to keep swimming. To keep fighting, but I blacked out again before I knew it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the same as before yet different. I saw my memories with Buck. I saw when Shannon came back into our lives. I saw the moment when she died. I saw the times Buck almost died. I saw the Sheriff's deputy serving me the lawsuit papers. I saw Buck sitting across from me at the hearing. I saw his face as he pinned me against my truck after buying me out of the street fighting. I saw myself and Buck with Christopher. I saw the looks I used to let myself steal at my best friend. My best friend who I let myself fall for. My best friend who I'm pretty sure has become the love of my life. I loved Shannon, but it was like a high school love. The love I felt for Buck was like the love I could see between Bobby and Athena. The love I saw between Karen and Hen. Hell, the love I saw between Maddie and Chimney. I'm in love with my best friend, and it seems I'm going to die before ever telling him. I'm going to die without getting to say goodbye to my son. The visions of memories in my head blurred from all the feelings rushing over me, and that's when she came into focus.

"Eddie," she said walking up to me, putting her hand on my face. 

"Shannon," I said questioningly.

"Yes," she said smiling, "I'm here."

"I've missed you. Christopher misses you," I said as I felt tears stream down my cheeks.

"Shhh," she said wiping away the tears, "It's okay, I'm at peace now. You can let go."

"How can I," I said, "How am I supposed to continue doing this without you. It seems like each day has brought one disaster after another since you died."

"It's because you've been ignoring the fact that you're not alone, Eddie," she said chuckling, "I could see it when I came back to help get Christopher into that school. Christopher already had two parents when I came back, and I wasn't one of them. You and Buck. Buck had stepped in to fill my space long before I came back, and neither of you even realized it. When I came back, I just was an extra parent that helped to make Christopher even happier than he already was. I'm at peace because I didn't need to worry about you or Christopher. You had already begun moving on, and I came around and just set you back. But Eddie, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to tell him the truth. He deserves to know because I promise you he feels the same. So you need to fight. Go back. Go back to our son. Go back to Buck. They need you. _Your family needs you._ " 

At that moment, I felt myself jerk into consciousness and began swimming with all my strength, and I broke the surface of the water and felt a rush of air go into my lungs. I was finally able to breathe again, and I began heading back to my team. Everything was a blur until the hospital room. I was wheeled into the hospital room after being heavily tested by doctors and nurses. I was laying there thinking when the two people hogging my thoughts walked into my room. 

"hey," I said, my voice coming out raspy.

I gave them a small smile. Christopher reached out for me, and Buck slowly laid him down on the bed next to me while Buck sat down in a chair that he pulled right up to the side of the bed that Christopher wasn't on.

"How'd you get back here," I asked while rubbing Christopher's back.

"I told them I was your partner," Buck said, "I'm guessing they assumed that I meant it romantically."

I chuckled lightly, my eyes fluttering, "I'm glad you're here."

"Damn it, Eddie," Buck said letting out a sigh, "Don't do that again."

"Do what," I said looking at him confused.

"Leave," Buck said, and there was a pause. I looked at his face and it dawned on me. Shannon was right; they needed me. I could see the pain on Buck's face all of it, but I didn't say anything. I just kept my eyes glued to his, so he continued, "You scared the shit out of me. When I saw that it-"

He quickly looked at Christopher to see that he was already out. 

"When I saw that the hole had caved in, I felt like I was being ripped in half. I was going crazy, and I couldn't think straight," Buck said as he laid a hand on the bed next to me while he wiped his face with his other hand, "Eddie, I couldn't _breathe."_

He hung his head, and I wanted to grab his face and kiss him right then and there. However, settled for grabbing his hand. He looked up at me after wiping the tears from his face, and I knew we couldn't go on as we have been. I had to tell him everything, but I just couldn't formulate the words right now. I said the only two words that came to my mind as I was holding his hand in mine. 

"I-I'm s-sorry," I said before a yawn captured my voice.

"Shhhh," Buck said as I started to drift into sleep, the meds finally kicking in, "it's okay. It's okay now. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

When I woke, Christopher was still laid at my left side while Buck was asleep on my right side, our hands still holding on to each other. I suddenly felt the numbness of the arm that Christopher was laying on, so I tried to adjust without waking them. I was unsuccessful. They both began to stir, and then the nurse walked in. I was soon being given a clean bill of health and discharged from the hospital. Carla took Christopher to school while Buck took me home. When we got there, I had every intention of telling him, but then Maddie called saying she needed some help. So I told him to go and that I'd be fine. I would just tell him later.

That became something I was saying to myself often. _I'll tell him later._ Soon, a week had passed since my accident, and I had yet to tell Buck how I felt. We were at the station house, and I was working up the nerve to tell him when the alarm went off. The voice over the intercom started stating the emergency, and this one was an all-call. Train derailment. 

We arrived at the scene, and it was worse than I could've imagined. We began working to help right away. I saw a woman arguing with two firefighters, so I walked over and relieved them. 

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, we can't let you inside," I said to the woman, "It's too dangerous."

"I know it's dangerous," she said, "I just need to get up into that car."

"I hear you," I said trying to calm her down, "I'm sorry."

"Wait," she said looking up at my helmet then back at me, "Are you from the 118?"

"Yeah," I responded a little confused.

"Abby," I heard a voice say from near me, so I turned and saw it was Buck.

"Buck," the woman I was speaking to said also looking in Buck's direction.

That's when it dawned on me. _Abby._ As in Abby Clark. Abby Clark who turned Buck 1.0 into Buck 2.0. Abby Clark who left and never came back. Abby Clark who broke Buck's heart. Everything that happened next seemed to me like I was watching it without sound until I heard the one sentence that broke Buck's heart a little bit more as stood and watched.

" _MY FIANCE,"_ She cried out, "I'm trying to find my fiance." 

The look that washed over Buck's face made me want to punch Abby right in the face. She had left Buck causing him so much pain and heartbreak. Now, she was back, and the first thing she does is break his heart even more. I wanted to hit her, but we had a job to do. So, we raced off into the train car. Once on the inside, the situation kept getting worse, and it wasn't looking good. It kept looking like we were going to have to pick between two people. Buck was offering an idea. While yes the idea is one that would work, it wasn't safe. The train car was secure. If it fell why he was on the outside, he wouldn't survive. I felt anger boiling up inside me at the thought of losing him. We tried to stop, but we ended up going with his plan. We got lucky and were able to save them both, and Buck didn't die in the process. But I was still angry, and Buck could see it. 

"E-Eddie," Buck called after me when we got back to the firehouse, "What's with you?"

"You should've known better," I said finally looking him in the eyes, "You shouldn't have let cloud your judgment."

"You think she was clouding my judgment," Buck said with a confused look on his face, "I was just trying to do my job."

"If you hadn't let her get into your head, you probably wouldn't have been so willing to risk your life like that," I said stepping closer to him, "It infuriates me that you still let her have this much control over you.

"Abby isn't the one you're mad at," Buck said stepping closer, "I am."

"She broke your heart and yet you were still doing everything to ensure her happiness," I said seething with anger, "That's how much control she has over you."

"If you want someone to be angry at then be angry at me," Buck said.

"You want me to be angry at you," I said getting closer to him, "Fine I'll be angry at you."

I could see the others had gathered, but they kept their distance as if there was a blast radius for the fight Buck and I were having. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bobby make move as if he were about to intervene, but Hen put a hand on his chest to stop him. It was the end of our shift, and I think I saw Maddie and Athena there. Maybe they came over to check on us after we finished with the train derailment call, but I could only think clearly about the beautiful blond boy standing in front of me.

"You made a choice without consulting the rest of us, _again."_ I started rattling off, "You risked your life, _again._ You scared me, _again._ You made me fear that today would be the day I'd truly lose you, _again._ I had to try and stuff down my feelings for you, _again._ You put me in a position where I had to go against every single instinct in my body, _again because I love you."_

"Then stop loving me," Buck said just as angry as I was.

" _I CAN'T,"_ I said, "I haven't been able to stop loving you despite the stunts you pull. Despite all the situations you put me in that anger me. Despite all the situations where I think I'm gonna lose you. I cannot stop myself from loving you. I can't stop myself from worrying about you every time we go out on a risky call. I can't stop worrying that I'm going to have to tell Christopher that someone else in his life has died. _Because I love you, Evan. I've been in love with you since the day I had to bring Christopher to work because my Abuela fell and hurt herself." I've lov-"_

I was cut off by a sudden pressure against my lips. He was kissing me. _He was kissing me!_ So I started to kiss him back. His hands were on the sides of my face pulling me in, and I placed my hands on his hips and pulled him in closer to deepen the kiss. It was nothing like I had ever imagined. It was perfect. It was soft. It was wet. It was right. I felt him pull back and an unconscious whine escaped my lips from the absence of his lips on mine. 

"Wh-" I began to ask.

"I had to get you to shut up so I could tell you that I love you too," Buck said with our foreheads touching. 

We were close enough to share our breaths, and I smiled as a smile stretched across his face. Then, my eyes widened in realization as to where we were. I think the same realization hit him because his eyes widened too, and we both looked over at the group of our friends and family that were watching us. 

"Pay up," Hen and Athena said holding out their hands to the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> IT HAPPENED!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I hope you like it. Inspiration for the fight scene here at the end came from Delena from The Vampire diaries. As always, I love you and be safe. Like, comment, and share!


	12. Buck

"Wait a minute," I said confused, "There was a bet?"

"Oh there's always a bet," Athena said.

"Remember Bobby and Athena," Hen said. 

I just looked at Eddie, and we both just started laughing. I noticed that neither of us had moved our hands yet. I didn't even care that the others were still there. My dreams weren't hopeless. Eddie felt the same as I did. Except, apparently he fell in love before I did, or maybe he just realized his feelings sooner but repressed them. I don't know. All that matters now is that there's a chance for us.

"Okay," Bobby said bringing us all back to reality, "This was a stressful shift. Paperwork can wait until tomorrow. All of you go home and get some rest. Don't forget, May's party is on Saturday."

We all started to head towards the locker room when I felt a hand on my arm. It was Maddie. 

"So that boy-crush I teased you about wasn't so jokingly-founded," she teased.

I just rolled my eyes and cracked a smile before she pulled me in for a hug. 

"Hey," she said into my shoulder, "I know what dad put you through, even after I left, and I just want you to know that I love and support you. I'm so proud of you for not letting that horrible man keep you from going for what you want."

"Mads, the thing is that I was letting him keep me back, and I wouldn't have kissed Eddie if it weren't for him and I getting into that argument that led him to say that he loved me. If it hadn't been for that, I'd probably still be secretly pining for him," I said stepping back a sec.

"Yes, maybe, but now you know that you're feelings aren't one-sided," Maddie said putting her hand on my cheek before kissing my other one. 

"Hey Buckley, can I have your sister back now please," Chim said, "I would like to go home and get some rest." 

Mads and I both started laughing. She then walked over and took Chim by the hand. I turned back to the locker room and saw Eddie was the only one still in there. So, I walked over and tapped him on his right shoulder before walking around to his left side. He moved his head in two quick motions before finally seeing me and letting out a small laugh.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," he replied.

And we sat there like that for a moment. Just looking at each other smiling. 

"Do you," Eddie said before blushing and then looking at the floor, "Do you maybe want to come over tonight?"

"Yeah," I said, "I'd like that."

"Okay," Eddie said, "Carla was supposed to take Chris to my aunt's house tonight."

"Okay," I said, "Let's get changed and we can leave."

It didn't take long to change, and soon we were at our separate vehicles ready to leave. The drive to Eddie's was quiet yet loud with my thoughts. I kept smiling and laughing to myself at all the craziness of not noticing that Eddie liked me back. All the signs that I just excused away as figments of my imagination. We walked up to the front door when I felt myself being pressed against the door. 

Suddenly his lips were on mine, but this was different than before. There was a hunger behind the kiss, and I gave in immediately because I felt the same hunger. The kiss started to get heated when suddenly we were falling, and I mean literally falling. The door that was supporting us had disappeared, and soon we hit the floor inside the door. 

"Daddy," I heard the familiar voice of a boy who I have come to treat somewhat like my own kid, "Buck?"

We both looked up to see Christopher standing by the couch with a look of confusion on his face, and Carla was standing by the door. I'm guessing she heard the sound when Eddie pushed me against the door and opened it thinking someone had knocked.

"Hey buddy," Eddie said getting up and going over to Christopher.

The tone in his voice was cautious and hesitant. I could tell he was treading lightly because Chris just saw us. Carla was smirking, and I could feel the _Finally_ and _I knew it_ vibes radiating off of her. 

"I thought you were taking him to my aunt's?" Eddie asked.

"I did," Carla said helping me up before closing the door, "But we saw the train wreck on the tv, and Christopher wanted to come home and see you. I sent you a text."

"My phone's in my bag," Eddie said, "When we got back from the accident...."

He trailed off not knowing how to explain that we fought and kissed when we got back to the firehouse.

"I just haven't had the chance to look at my phone," Eddie said shaking it off.

"Mhmm, I can see that a lot happened tonight," Carla said smirking and nodding slowly, "And I'm not talking about the train."

"I saw Abby tonight," I said deciding to take Carla's attention off Eddie.

"Wait," Carla said, all attention immediately on me, "What? When? Where? How? Ohhh, are you okay Buckaroo?"

"She was on the train when it derailed. I saw her at the scene, she was trying to go back into the train to find her fiance," I said, and I saw the pity on her face when I mentioned the fiance, "We ended up having to rescue him, and while it hurt seeing her, something good eventually came out of it."

I said that last bit as I looked over at Eddie to see he was looking at me with fondness and knowing in his eyes that the whole situation with Abby led to the argument which led to us kissing. I couldn't but smile back at him. The urge to walk over and kiss him was so strong, but I held myself back because Eddie and I haven't even had the chance to figure all this out and talk about what this means for us. Especially about what it means in relation to Christopher, but of course that little man ended up saving us the hassle by breaking the silence and speaking up.

"So, does you and daddy kissing mean that I have to call you daddy now too," he asked bluntly.

"Uhhhhh," I said dumbstruck.

"Easy there, buddy," Eddie said chuckling, "All this means is that Buck and I are exploring a new part of our relationship. We don't know where it'll lead or what the future holds, so you can just call him Buck still for now."

"Okay, as long as you're both happy," Christopher said before motioning to get down, "I'm going to get dressed for bed."

"Well, I'm going to head on home, but I expect the full story from you two another time," Carla said before waving goodbye and leaving.

Eddie and I just stood there looking at the floor before either of us said a word. 

"So," Eddie said, "You want a beer?"

"Yeah," I said. 

We walked into the kitchen, and he grabbed us two beers out of the fridge. He handed one to me, and we cracked them open and took a few sips before we started talking.

"So Christopher doesn't seem to mind this, us," I said softly.

"No," Eddie said, "And he was the one that would make or break whatever this is. I wouldn't be able to do this if he wasn't okay with it."

"Neither could I," I said, "So I understand what you mean. But also what exactly is this? What do you want to be?"

"I'm not sure. I've never really been with a guy like I've known that I'm bisexual for a while, but I've never had the chance or the person to explore that side of myself with. First, I lived in a religious, Hispanic home in Texas, so I learned quickly to hide who I was. Then, I met Shannon, and everything happened so fast. Marriage. Finding out she's pregnant. Getting deployed. In the army, I would see the other guys in the showers, and I have done some things while heavily drunk with them in the bunks. The next morning, however, it was like it never happened, so we just went about business as usual. Then, when Christopher was born, I could only think of my son, but I got scared after he was diagnosed. So, I re-enlisted 'to pay the bills', but really I was running away. The army helped take my mind off the craziness of my home life, but I was soon back home. Things were worse than when I had left. I didn't know how to be a dad to a kid with CP. I was so scared of messing things up, and I didn't know what to do. I relied too much on Shannon and my family, but then Shannon left. I had pushed her away, and the weight on my shoulders got heavier. I applied to several different fire stations, but my parents didn't understand why the ones I chose to apply to were out-of-state. They even tried to ask me to give them Christopher, but it felt to me like they were trying to take him away from me. So, when I got accepted into the LAFD, I took the opportunity. I packed up all our stuff, and I brought Christopher and myself here. I was scared, but I honestly wouldn't really do anything different. 

By joining the LAFD and joining the 118, I met all of you, my _chosen_ family. People who didn't even know me yet, but who welcomed me into their family without hesitation. Then, you found out my struggles with Christopher, and you introduced me to Carla. Then, Shannon came back into my life, and I didn't know what to do. In some way, her return was good and bad. It was good because we had a second chance, but it was bad because she ended up leaving again, although it wasn't her fault. I was still mad at her, and that sent me on a downward spiral. However, there has been one constant in my life since moving here that, despite all of its craziness and recklessness, has always found its way back to me, and to Christopher, and has been good to the both of us."

"Oh really," I said, straightening up at that last part Eddie said, "and what is this crazy, reckless thing?" 

Eddie set down his beer and walked over to me. I was leaning against the island, and Eddie put his hands on the counter on either side of me, pinning me in. He looked up at me slightly since I had a few inches on him, and I saw the hunger in his eyes. His tongue slipped out to lick his lips before he finally spoke.

"You," he said.

The kiss was imminent. After all that, there was no way we weren't going to kiss, and it was just primal and passionate as the one against the door that had gotten interrupted by Carla. Our hands began to wander, and our bodies pressed together. His hands slipped up under the hem of my shirt, and I could feel the rise in electricity at the spots where our skins touched. I leaned my head back as his hands circled around and touched my back. He took this as an opportunity to move his kisses downward. First along the jaw. Then down my neck, until he hit the pulse point. The kisses were open-mouthed, and when he found the pulse point, he sucked and bit. A small moan slipped out before I shoved my hand in my mouth to stifle any further moans. I thought for a second he was gonna take me right then and there, but then we heard the familiar sound of crutches on hardwood floor and were separated in the blink of an eye. I turned away so Christopher wouldn't see my face or the obvious marks that were starting to show on my neck. 

"Daddy, can you read me a story?"

"Yeah, buddy," Eddies said smiling, "Go pick out a book and I'll be there in a minute."

Christopher walked back to his room, and Eddie turned back to me.

"How about you go get changed," Eddie said as he looked me up and down real quick, "and I'll meet you in the bedroom after Christopher has fallen asleep?"

I looked at him and nodded quickly. He followed after Christopher, and I was finally able to catch my breath. I started grinning like a freaking schoolgirl and had to bite back a small scream of excitement at the fact that this was all really happening. So, I went and changed into some clothes from the ones that I've left here for the nights I stay over that are unexpected because it's happened quite a few times. Sometimes it feels like I spend more time here than I do at my own apartment, and honestly, I don't mind that fact one bit because this is Eddie's house. Plus now, I am his, and he is mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHH! Sorry, it's taken me a bit longer to get this chapter out, but I've just been a bit out of it lately. I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I had to stop myself before I went any further with this because I'm not sure if I should make this into a mature fiction or not with smut. As always. I love you. Be safe. Like, Comment, and Share.


	13. Eddie

As I woke up the next morning, I felt a weight on me, and I didn't realize it was a person until I saw the arm laid across my stomach. I followed up the arm with my eyes all the way to the face and saw it was Buck cuddling my side while fast asleep. I was confused for a second before the memories of the night before started flooding back to me. 

I saw **_(Flashback:)_** : The train wreck. Abby. Buck risking his life, _again._ The fight at the firehouse. The kiss that ended the argument. The damn bet our friends had going. Buck and I kissing outside my front door. Us falling through the front door as Carla opened it. Christopher and Carla. Christopher okay with the idea of me and Buck being more than just friends. Buck listening to me as I tell him about my past. Kissing Buck against the counter in the kitchen. Going off to read Christopher a bedtime story. Christopher falling asleep fairly quickly. Quietly exiting his room after tucking him in. Doing a check of all doors and windows in the house before turning off the lights and heading to my room. And this was where things got more intense.

As I stepped into the room I saw Buck sitting on the edge of the bed looking at the floor while still fully clothed.

"I don't have a change of clothes to sleep in here that are clean." he said.

"You can wear something of mine," I said walking over to my dresser when a dirty thought slipped into my mind.

**_ ~~~~~~WARNING: SMUT AHEAD~~~~~~ _ **

"Or you could just not wear anything," I said turning and facing Buck as I began to strip.

I don't know what came over me. I took off my shirt and begun undoing my belt when Buck finally registered what I said and looked at me. His eyes widened at the sight of me undressing, and then they darkened as I slid my pants down to my ankles before stepping out of them. I could see the lust and hunger behind his eyes. I watched as he watched every movement of my hands as they came up from taking off my pants. His tongue slid across his lips as I slipped my fingers under the waistband of my underwear before slowly sliding them downward as well until they were down around my ankles. I stepped out of them as I noticed Buck suck in a breath as his eyes widened even more from looking at my body, completely exposed.

My breathing started getting heavier as I just stood there. I watched as Buck slowly stood up. He slowly moved towards the door to the hall. I somewhat feared the worst, but I then let out a sigh of relief as I watched him turn the lock on the door, ensuring no one would walk in on us. He then started coming towards me with the same pace that he used when apporaching the door to lock it. Slow, yet determined. I could see it in his eyes. He stopped only when our faces were only a few inches apart and we could feel each other's breath. I closed my eyes as he began to lean in towards my neck. I was expecting kissing, but what I got was a slow brush of hot air against my neck as he breathed outward, sending shivers throughout my entire body. Then the heat that was radiating from his closeness disappeared as he stepped back. This made me whine unconciously again. I opened my eyes to see him begin pulling off his shirt. He did it slow, and that's when I realized what he was doing. He was dragging this out. Going slow so that he, and I, could relish in every moment of it without feeling like we need to rush this. 

It was first his shirt. Then his pants. Lastly, his underwear. Then, we were both standing there in front of each other. Naked. Both of us admiring the other's physique as we studied each inch of exposed skin with our eyes. I had seen Buck undress and partially nude before because of work, but that was a different environment with context different than that of the situation he and I were in right now. We both started stepping towards each other. Once we were within inches of each other, we stood there looking into each other's eyes. My breath quickened from the closeness, and I could feel and hear his do the same. We stood there for what felt like hours until one of us finally made the first move. I didn't mean for it to happen so fast. In a split second I had my hand on the back of his neck pulling him in and down as I kissed him. He immediately kissed me back and wrapped his arms around my waist. It was getting hotter and steamier.

He moved his mouth to my neck and began sucking at the pulse point like I had been doing to him earlier. He was taking his time, and I was okay with it... for a little bit. He began moving back up my neck and found a sweet spot right below my ear, and I unconciously moaned while thrusting forward. That's when it happened and I realized the extent of what was going on. When I thrusted forward, our hard lengths collided with each other, and it was like we had broken the metaphorical glass ceiling at the top of this emotional/sexual ladder that we'd been climbing since the day we met. So, once that glass ceiling was shattered, it was like this mutual switch inside both of us was flipped because his hands shot down grabbing the cheeks of my ass, pulling me up against him while his teeth bit down slightly into the soft skin of my collarbone. My back arched from the sensations coming from where his body touched mine, and my nails dug into his back from the sensation of his bite. 

I don't even know how I did it, but I somehow flipped the scene in a blurry rush of adrenline. Now, Buck was lying on the bed on his back and I was on top of him. I could see in his eyes that he was kind of enjoying being dominant earlier, but he was definitely enjoying this, being dominated, much more. I started kissing him first, then I slowly moved downward. I decided to finish what I had started back in the kitchen earlier. I bit down into the same spot I had earlier, and this caused Buck to thrust his hips up against me. It took every ounce of strength in my body not to take him right then and there, I didn't want to assume where this was heading tonight. I didn't want to rush him into anythin he wasn't ready for or didn't want. This caused me to pull back for a second as I took a deep breath to take control of myself. However, Buck said pulled me down to where he could whisper in my ear and gave me an answer to all the questions that had been circling around in my head.

"I want you," he practically moaned into my ear, "I've wanted you for some time now, and I don't want to waste another minute of my time without knowing every _inch_ of you."

He emphasized the word inch by also grabbing at the base and pulling with one quick stroke before letting go. This drove me into a frenzy. I scrambled to the nightstand and grabbed the lube and condom that were tucked away. Thankfully the condoms hadn't expired yet, but I'm hoping we won't need them at a later date. I turned back to Buck when a thought popped into my head that stopped me in my tracks. He saw that I was deep in thought and sat up on his elbows giving me a questioning look. 

"Um," I started not sure how to ask the question on my mind, "Are you.... um.... clean... ya know... down there?"

Buck face turned into one of deep thought as well as the realization of what the question meant dawned on him. He sat up straight on the edge of the be still in thought, so I put the condoms and lube away and sat next to him. We sat there in silence before one of us finally spoke. 

**_ ~~~~~~END SMUT~~~~~~ _ **

"I'm sorry to have kind of ruined the buzz," I said hanging my head.

"No, don't be," he said turning and looking at me, "I completely forgot about proper preparations for this kind of sex. Now I didn't know I was gonna possibly being doing this tonight, but still I think it's a good thing you asked that."

"You do," I said looking up at him.

"Yeah," he said smiling at me, "I want you Eddie. In every way possible, but I also want to do it right. And sex while unprepared is not right. It could go very wrong and get very messy, and I don't want that for our first time together. I want it to be..."

"Special," I said finishing his sentence.

"Yeah," he said, "Special."

"So how about this," I proposed, taking his hand in mine, "We plan for another night, especially a night where my son isn't asleep two doors down the hall. And tonight we just _be_ together."

"I'd like that," Buck said smiling.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

We kissed, but this time was more like the one at the station. Full of passion and love more than lust and hunger. These types of kisses are definitely my favorite. We climbed into bed and just held each other, cuddling each other, until we fell asleep. **_(End Flashback)_**

I leaned down and kissed the top of Buck's head from the joyful feeling the memories brought me. He began to stir, and then he looked up at me as he rubbed his eyes. 

"Morning," he said with a morning voice that made groan unconciously. 

"I could definitely get used to waking up to this kind of reaction in the mornings," Buck said smiling before leaning up and kissing me. 

This was almost the picture perfect moment. The only thing better than this would be spending time with Buck and Christopher as a family. Buck and I were just staring into each other's eyes when the sound of the doorknob turning and then hitching on the lock caught our attention. 

"Dad?" came through the door, "Why is the door locked?"

"Christopher, um we'll be out in a minute," I called back. 

"Is Bucky in there with you," he called back.

I slapped my forehead realizing I said 'we'. 

"Yeah, buddy," Buck called out, "I'm in here. How about you go turn on some cartoons and then I'll come make you some pancakes as soon as we come out?"

"Okay," Christopher said, "Don't take too long getting ready."

I could hear the sound of his crutches retreating down the hallway. I looked at Buck and shook my head before chuckling at the whole thing, and then Buck started laughing too. We got showered and dressed as quickly as possible. When we left the room, I went straight to Christopher while Buck went straight to the kitchen. I could hear him rustling around in the kitchen as he made the pancakes. He called to us once they were ready and we all gathered at the table to eat breakfast. Now this was a picture perfect moment. Eating breakfast with the two most important men in my life. What else could I need. I was lost in thought until I looked at the clock.

"Shoot buddy," I said gathering up the plates since we were all done eating, "We need to get going otherwise we'll be late for the party."

We had slept in without realizing it, and it was already a quarter to 11. May's graduation party started at 12. So we started rushing around to finish getting ready before we all piled into my truck and drove off to Bobby and Athena's. We arrived just in time which meant we would not incur the wrath of Athena. The party was going really great. Everyone that wasn't at the firehouse that night learned of what happened when Buck and I walked through the door hand in hand. They were all very accepting, but thankfully we were there for May so the attention was quickly taken away from us.

The party was great. We were having a really good time. I was playing around with Christopher when I saw Buck and Bobby talking. I was only able to hear the last part of their conversation though. 

"You doing okay?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah," Buck started, and when I looked over at him, he was looking at me before he turned back to Bobby, "Yeah I think I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> NEW CHAPTER IS HERE!!!!! Sorry not sorry for the slight smut tease in this chapter. I hope you liked it. New relationships are like tea: You don't know their strength until their thrown into hot water. As always. I love you. Be safe. Like, Comment, and Share.


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